Suddenly I See
by AmyBot3000
Summary: One shot based around Holly's first realisation that she might be a little gay.


**A/N**: I needed to get back in the Rookie Blue state of mind, so I wrote this. I've been out of the loop in terms of Rookie Blue fics, so I'm not sure if someone has already done this?

Toast girl update: Still haven't got Toast Girl... But I got her number, oh yeeeeaaaah.

(Bonus points for anyone who sees the link to You Are Insane.)

* * *

Holly watches Jess from the opposite end of the bed as she rolls her eyes dramatically and throws her hands up in the air.

"So what exactly is the problem?" Holly lets out a sigh, because the problem is she doesn't know what the problem is. This isn't the first time, or the first boyfriend she's had since she started college, but after the first month it's always like this. The same is true for Bret, they started dating just over four weeks ago and the creeping feeling that something wasn't right was starting to settle in.

"I don't know, I mean he's good looking right?" It's true, she knows he is, she's seen the way other girls look at him, she's seen the way _Jess_ looks at him.

"_Oh_ yes, and you know better than me how good his body is." Jess gets a distant look in her and Holly just _knows_ she's remembering the pool party from the previous weekend when Bret had stripped down to just his boxers.

"And he's clever," her eyes snap back to Holly's and she nods her head in agreement.

"Top five in his class, and he graduated top of his class in high school."

"Right, and he's _adorable_, he came to my dorm at 3am last week when I was studying just to give me cheese puffs!" She lets out another sigh and buries her head in her hands.

She feels Jess shift from her end of the bed, her hand squeezing one of her knees and her voice dropping to a soft whisper. "So, I'll ask again, what is the problem Holly?"

Finally she looks up, "I just, something doesn't feel _right_, something's missing."

Jess throws her hands up in the air again and lets out a straggled noise. "Holly! You've said that about your last three boyfriends!"

* * *

It's Jess's birthday, so somehow that means the whole of Holly's dorm building has become a party house. She plays with the empty beer bottle in her hands as she sits on the floor with Bret's arm around her. A week after her chat with Jess and she still hasn't broken up with him, because until she figures out what the problem is she's going to stick it out, even if it means the feeling that something is missing increasingly gnaws at her.

"You want another beer babe?" She nods and turns to face him, placing a soft kiss on his lips she can taste the cigarette he's just smoked still lingering on his breath. She lets him deepen the kiss even though it just feels like she's going through the motions, moving her lips when required tilting her head back when he moves further forwards. There's a light stubble on his chin, which according to Jess is incredibly sexy, but she can't find herself agreeing.

"Oh for God sake, get a room." Jess is suddenly standing above her and she feels her breath catch in her throat at the sight of the tall blonde next to her. The first thing she notices is her eyes, they're a shade of green she's never seen before. She feels a shiver go through her as butterflies seem to erupt in her stomach. "Holly this is Maisie, Maisie this is Holly, oh and Bret."

"Hey nice to meet you both." Holly has to swallow at the husky sound of the girls voice and wants to hide her face because she's just _positive_ there is a bright blush covering her cheeks.

"Right, take a seat next to Holly, me and Bret will grab the drinks." The girl looks lost for a moment as she watches Jess and Bret leave, and Holly takes the opportunity to trace the collar of the plunging neck line of her top. Her eyes snap back up to the girls face when she notices the other girl is looking down at her with a smile on her face.

The blonde turns and slides down the wall to sit next to her, and Holly can feel the warmth of her body next to her. She can also still feel the blush of being caught staring at the other girl burning across her cheeks, so she tries to start the conversation in safe territory. "So how do you and Jess know each other?"

"We share a class, once she decides to talk to you, you don't have much choice in the matter and the next thing you know you're being told you have to attend her party. How about you?" She can see Maisie's smile out the corner of her eye and starts to relax.

"This isn't even her building, apparently she didn't want her place getting trashed, so it was my duty as friend to host it here for her. I met her freshman week, she wore a white t-shirt, it rained, I was her nipple shield for an evening. I've been trying to get rid of her ever since." Maisie's laugh causes the butterflies from earlier to stir again. They chat idly for the next few minutes until Jess and Bret return with beer and a bottle of peach schnapps. The conversation flows easily and to her relief Maisie doesn't bring up her earlier leching.

"You know what we should play?" Jess is smiling, so Holly just knows she's not going to like what she's about to say. "And you can't say no Stewart, it's my party, so you have to play." She smiles round at all of them. "Spin the bottle!"

Holly watches slightly dazed as Jess jumps to her feet and is suddenly issuing commands to everyone in the room using the now empty bottle of peach schnapps to direct them.

"Spin the bottle, really? What are we still in high school." She hears Maisie laugh as she pushes herself up to follow Jess over to the opposite side of her room. A feeling akin to jealousy seems to ripple through her when Jess puts her arms around Maisie for support and starts talking directly into her ear.

"Come on babe it'll be fun." Bret is still sat next to her, and really, since Maisie had been with them, she had forgotten he was even there.

The circle starts to awkwardly form around them, as people start filtering out to the next room where she can still hear the muffled music playing. Holly refuses to move, if she's going to be a part of this she's not going to make it easy, but Jess just commands everyone to move closer to where she's sat.

Jess stands the center of the circle, placing the peach schnapps bottle on the floor and spins it before returning to her place in the circle next to Maisie. Holly doesn't really understand why Jess has sat on the opposite side of the circle instead of next to her, but she's glad, because it makes it easier to watch Maisie. The bottle lands on someone she doesn't know, so she leans her head against the wall and lets out a sigh, it's going to be a long night, she can tell.

* * *

Spin the bottle goes pretty much as Holly would expect for a group of drunk college students, they lose two of their number when they practically start fucking in the middle of the circle when dared to make out. In fact any time someone picks a dare they end up making out with someone or streaking, so when the bottle lands on her Jess manages to get a truth out of her, because Jess is pretty wasted at this point and she _knows_ picking a dare would end up with her naked and running across campus.

Holly realises she's pretty much past wasted herself when she catches herself moving her head round in circles to try and follow the end of the bottle as it spins. It lands pointing towards Maisie again, she's already answered a truth, so this time she has to take the dare and for some reason Holly can feel her stomach fluttering in anticipation. It's some guy called Tom's turn to ask the dare and he's face lights up when he sees who the bottle is pointing towards. All the guys in the circle start trying to subtly get he's attention, because apparently she's not the only one who's noticed how beautiful the blonde is.

"How about we make this fair and let the lady decide? I dare you to make out with the hottest person in the room." Holly watches Maisie smile and she thinks that maybe she's having some form of panic attack, because her heart feels like it's about to beat out her chest when those bright green eyes lock with hers. She becomes aware of how sweaty her hands are and wipes them on her jeans, her eyes not leaving Maisie's as she starts crawling from her seat in the circle to where her and Bret are sat.

"Do you mind?" Holly thinks Maisie's voice must have dropped an octave, because it sounds even huskier than before. With her face so close she can't help taking in the subtle arch of her eyebrows, there's a small dent above one that Holly realises must have once been a piercing. She follows the unblemished skin of her nose and finally takes in her slightly parted lips, she can see the light sheen of lip gloss on them and bites her own lips at the sight of her tongue sweeping lightly across them. She's so close she can smell the peach schnapps that's still on her breath and she can feel herself starting to lean in to see if she can taste it.

"Do you mind babe?" Bret's question snaps her eyes from Maisie's and his face looks so excited at the prospect of kissing Maisie that she has to stop herself from rolling her eyes at him, because really how could he miss the obvious look in Maisie's eyes that's directed towards _her_, she wonders if maybe her and Jess misjudged him when described him as intelligent.

She's about to shoot him down when she hears Maisie laugh, "Actually I was talking about her." The look in Maisie's eyes is something close to predatory and the butterflies from earlier feel like they're trying to break free of her stomach.

"Wahey, yeah go ahead." She breaks her eye contact with Maisie again and takes the opportunity to try and get her breathing back under control, but really who is Bret to decide if someone else can kiss her? The decision is hers not his.

"Oh, like I don't get a say in-" Maisie's lips press against hers and it feels like a spark has jolted through her.

Holly can't remember having a life defining moment before. There was a guaranteed place in the college of her choice long before she applied, so there was no surprise, no celebration when she was accepted. She can't remember there being any particular event in her life that pushed her towards medicine. Her life prior to college was quiet, no major deaths, no deep secrets, no high school bullying that she had to rise above, just a quiet satisfying life.

The sudden rush of feeling and _realisation_ as Maisie's lips move against hers is something she's completely unprepared for. She doesn't know how long she sits frozen, it takes a few moments for her brain to catch up with her body and then her mind is suddenly racing, because against her will her hand has tangled in Maisie's hair and her lips are moving with hers.

It's Maisie who eventually pulls back from her, and sound of the guys in the room cheering is just background static to her, because she's just had her life defining moment. As Maisie stands and saunters back to her sit in the circle Holly's eyes lock with Jess's who winks knowingly at her.

The rest of the night passes as a blur and all she can think of is the taste of peach schnaps and soft lips.

She breaks up with Bret a week later, because the more she thinks about it, the more she starts to realise what was always missing.

The spark was missing.

* * *

**A/N**: Should I do another chapter going into Holly coming to terms with her potential gay-ness or leave it there? I'm not sure if it needs more or if it should be left open...

For anyone who's interested, I went back through You Are Insane and corrected some of the more obvious mistakes, so feel free to badger me about the ones I've missed _again_.

Also for anyone who's interested, I'm going to do a similar fic to You Are Insane for season five (SO CLOSE!), but I won't start posting until around episode five or six. I want to see where the writers are going with the story so I can get the tone/direction right.

Thanks for reading!


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